medieval strikes again!

well, for lack of any pictures of the extremely fun costume party we had on friday, i guess i'll just write about what's going on in my day/week/career.

mostly i'm going insane. being a teacher is such an all-or-nothing thing. i don't know if i have what it takes.
all day long it's exhausting, saying the same things over and over, answering the same questions, telling the same people to stop talking while i'm talking, hearing the same attitudes from the same disrespectful little twerps.
i could chuck them all out the window right about now.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have a different job. lately i've been wondering it more than usual. i don't know if you've clicked on the link over there named 'renee's story' or not, but the whole 'to write love on her arms' movement has something going on in it that i wish i were a part of. sometimes i just long to be involved in something meaningful that actively makes a difference in people's lives. one of the quotes they use in their mission statement is from the book 'blue like jazz'. it says, 'something was broken in the world and we were supposed to hold our palms against the wound...'

part of what has kept me in teaching is because it does seem like a good place to be interacting with people in a positive way, but there's so much else going on that it's more of a sub-story -- the relational interaction, that is.
maybe i'm in the perfect place, i'm just not playing the part the way it could be played. maybe every single possible job is the perfect place, it all just depends on who you are in that place, and how you affect the world around you in that place, be it dishwasher, monk, or trashman.

that's what i've always thought anyways. but what if i am not, in fact, in the perfect place? what if all jobs are not equal opportunities to be light in this dark world, what if some are honestly more worthwhile? what if i'm wasting my time?!
hmph.

since i don't plan on quitting this year anyways, i figure there's something i could be improving on while i'm here. i've been taking the first half of my planning period to go around to other teachers' classes in the building to watch how they interact with the students and see if there's anything i can learn from them. the main thing i've gained so far is a greater empathy for the students. sitting on their side, i see all the little things that happen right before the teacher turns around and gripes at someone who wasn't really responsible for it to begin with... things like that.
you really can't be all things to all people, i know that. but i want to be all that i can possibly be to my students, and i feel like i'm failing miserably, that all teachers are failing miserably.

it's probably just the medieval talking, i'll be bouncing back to my normal peppy excitement for a new school day when this monstrous endeavor is over... but in the meantime, i'm reevaluating my career choice.

quick!

if you find yourself with some time on your hands today and an interest in reflective photographic endeavors, go here and participate in a random fellow's community project. i'm very interested to see what photos people choose and why...

abstract artists of blue eye, missouri

here are the latest projects from my two painting classes. we talked about abstract art -- what all can be involved in it, what makes it successful, tips to make it interesting, that sort of thing. i think some of them turned out quite alright, for a first attempt.
they found a composition they liked by using a viewfinder (a piece of cardboard with a 2 inch square cut out of the center) and a magazine. after finding the 2 inch arrangement of colors, lines, or shapes that was to their liking, they painted it on a big piece of tagboard, keeping the main components similar to their magazine square, but not sticking to it strictly.
some of them really branched out and made it something totally different than the magazine, others stayed with the colors, etc. that they were looking at.
now that we're finished with this project, all of my classes have started working on medieval today. i think i had enough time to recuperate from 'mugsy' and now i'm ready to get this play taken care of. it's kind of fun to tackle since there are so many components that have to be figured out -- it's like one big problem to be solved. i enjoy problem-solving for the most part. it makes me sad how many kids there are in this school who have never been taught the very basic ways to problem-solve in everyday situations. it's clear which ones have been taught and which ones have not been.
one thing's for sure, if the lord ever sees fit to grant me children, they will definitely be taught how to figure things out!

dusty art

if you read the fact that i'll be in my classroom until 8 o'clock tonight, you probably deduced that i would be back to give you fascinating little tidbits of things i might happen to find on the internet...
here's the best so far -- this guy makes art out of the dust on the back of people's cars!!
go here to be amazed at his portfolio...

good job, guys!

so far, your conglomerate wills are doing their job!
i've had nary a bit of chocolate, not even a crumb. granted, the week's not over, but i'm optimistic.

today is a half day at school, with noon to 8 p.m. being parent/teacher conferences, then tomorrow we wrap it up with another 8 a.m.-noon session... pretty exciting times.
i'm thinking 8 o'clock tonight will come pretty slowly whilst sitting in my empty classroom, waiting for parents to come straggling in...
i brought some books and a movie to while away the hours.
but no chocolate!

on monday i'll start the grand planning of the medieval extravaganza with all my classes, followed by the execution of said plan. i think i've sufficiently recovered from 'mugsy sent me' to muster up a little enthusiasm over it, which is a miracle in and of itself. after this next week i know all the enthusiasm will have drained away, but at least there's a little smidgeon present to get us going in the right direction.
i'm sure i'll figure out a way to take pictures of it all and keep you abreast of the progress.

have a great thursday, and don't forget to watch grey's anatomy tonight!! meredith is going to tell derek she wants to be with him after all... yes, i know i'm a little obsessed. not half as much as with prison break though, so i won't even go into the details on that one... except to treat you to these mesmerizing pictures. i've turned into one of those people -- the ones that are so engrossed in a t.v. show that it becomes real... michael scofield is definitely real, i know it. he's out there somewhere fighting for justice, innocence, and the american way, with his plans of how to do so tatooed to his torso...
watch monday nights at 8/7 central! (and no, they didn't pay me for this free advertising)

i do pledge...

well folks, i've come to a conclusion. i am going to make it public so as to have my will strengthened by your wills...

from this day henceforth and forthwith, i do pledge to cut all chocolate from my diet in every way, shape and form.
this is an effort i've attempted at least 300 times before, but you know what they say -- when you fall off the wagon, just get back on and start the count over.
so starting monday (today's already a scratch... blasted brownies) i will begin with 'day 1'.

you might say, 'what?! completely cold turkey?!' and i would respond, 'yes, completely cold turkey.' there's just no other way for me. i'm an all-or-nothing girl, and it's just how it's gotta be. there's no reason for me to eat chocolate, except that i like it, but there are 3 reasons for me not to eat chocolate.
reason #1: it gives me the aches.
reason #2: it makes me feel lethargic.
and reason #3: it makes me fat.

so with that weight of evidence, i do pledge to you this pledge.
i'll report my progress from time to time. thanks for your will. just knowing you might know and be supportive strengthens me on in my quest for self-control. :-)

happy spooky day!

i'm here to confess before you all.
i can't stop eating chocolate!!!

it's getting crazy.
not only because i can't stop eating it, but because i'm also mildly allergic to it. any caffeine gives me some major headache action. so even though i know i'm going to suffer for eating it, i continue in my ways.
why do i continually do things i know are bad for me?
i wish i knew.
i've even been absent from the blogging world because of the chocolate headaches. i haven't felt like doing anything not entirely necessary. another good reason why i should give up my addiction -- it's not just hurting me, it's also hurting all you good people out there who are waiting for my perfectly pointless thoughts!

speaking of which, here are some:
i have officially given up on the entire dating world -- they're sorely going to miss me. i really think i was an integral part of that world and my absence will be sending shock waves all the way around and back again.
after spending some considerable time contemplating the issue, mostly considering what is the biblical, balanced amount of effort that should go into the process, i've concluded that i don't know the biblical, balanced amount, but i'm tired of thinking about it, so i'm going back to expending no effort.
nice run-on sentence, eh?
so now i'm back to thinking if god has a plan for a husband and family in my future, i'm very okay with that, and in fact would welcome it wholeheartedly. but if he doesn't, i'm okay with that also. my knowledge of what's good for me is so limited that i don't think he needs me to brainstorm with him to come up with a plan.
it's a much more restful mindset. i'm enjoying it. it's kind of exhausting trying to figure life out. much simpler to trust that god has it figured out already.

the recovery from surgery is pretty much complete -- i've even exercised a couple days this week, and i've been able to eat anything i've tried without evil consequences, so i think i'm almost there. not quite jogging yet, which is such a bummer. pre-surgery i had worked up to 3 miles in 27 minutes, which is a personal record! i've never been all that fast when it comes to jogging. now i have to work my way back up to it. sigh...

i guess life sometimes needs challenges.

a big doozy of a challenge is getting ready to come along in another week -- medieval dinner theater!! it's not until november 18th, but we start creating the set next week.
every year the drama teacher goes insane and puts on this huge event that requires me to decorate the entire cafeteria area. if memory serves, it's bound to be less than pleasant. the 'mugsy sent me' play was not quite as elaborate as medieval is, but similar in stress levels. to channel six classes into creating these stage designs is probably the most challenging thing about my job. it's not really even that rewarding, so there's not much of a payoff. it might be if we didn't trash the whole set the day after its done... here's a few pictures of the first year's set. the first few are of the groups working on different sections, then there are a couple of the finished walls, and lastly a sword fighting scene from the play (notice the 'stained glass' area behind them -- one of my favorite parts of the set, along with the 'wooden' doors).
so there's what i have to look forward to real soon! this year i think we're going to create huge 'tapestries' like the sort they used to hang on the inside of the castle walls. i'll keep you up to date on what is bound to be a big ole barrel of fun.

and the answer is....

you guessed it, the famous georgia o'keefe... ya'll are just a bunch of smarty pantses.
good job.
if you want to see a comprehensive listing of her paintings and be as amazed as i that she could produce so many cool things in her lifetime, go here.

name that artist...

here's an interactive exercise for you, my adoring public. anyone know the famous artist who painted these in the 20-40's?
i'll give you a hint.

it's a woman, and it's not me.

she's very famous, but these aren't the typical paintings i would associate with her. i was surprised to find these. they're so beautiful!
i was planning the next project on abstraction for my classes and this mystery artist will be featured in a worksheet or webquest of some sort.

july 30

yes, i realize it's actually october, but in 'my utmost for his highest', i'm only on july 30th -- just a wee bit behind :-) pretend it's still summer for a moment.
for some reason this one really jumped out at me this morning. probably because it speaks to something god's been consistent to bring up again and again in my life -- the importance of trusting the goodness of god instead of looking for the goodness in people. if you've got a minute, read this.

'the discipline of disillusionment'
'jesus did not commit himself unto them... for he knew what was in man.' john 2:24-25

'disillusionment means that there are no more false judments in life. to be undeceived by disillusionment may leave us cynical and unkindly severe in our judgment of others, but the disillusionment which comes from god brings us to the place where we see men and women as they really are, and yet there is no cynicism, we have no stinging bitter things to say. many of the cruel things in life spring from the fact that we suffer from illusions. we are not true to one another as facts; we are true only to our ideas of one another. everything is either delightful and fine, or mean and dastardly, according to our idea.
the refusal to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering in human life. it works in this way -- if we love a human being and do not love god, we demand of him every perfection and every rectitude, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; we are demanding of a human being that which he or she cannot give. there is only one being who can satisfy the last aching abyss of the human heart, and that is the lord jesus christ. why our lord is apparently so severe regarding every human relationship is because he knows that every relationship not based on loyalty to himself will end in disaster. our lord trusted no man, yet he was never suspicious, never bitter. our lord's confidence in god and in what his grace could do for any man, was so perfect that he despaired of no one. if our trust is placed in human beings, we shall end in despairing of everyone.'

i had to read that 2 or 3 times for it to sink in, but it's just so good and true. it's very easy for me to place my hopes in certain people to be the way i need them to be. then when they don't measure up, it feels hopeless that i'll ever find someone worth trusting. but it's not hopeless -- god is worth trusting, and he's working in each of the people in my life as much as in me. i can trust the spirit's life in them, and when they don't meet my expectations, i can rest in the knowledge that god hasn't failed me.
he is everything that i need and he never changes.
that's a good thing.

how about a favorite christmas?

i will always remember this christmas because of my prized avalancha!
it was intended for really big hills i think, and it even had meager little brakes to facilitate the daring venture, but i don't think i ever took the plunge. i remember watching my brothers on their own avalanchas hurtling down the middle of the road, but for me it was enough to just sit and push myself around with my feet...

did you ever have a favorite shirt?

this was one of them -- i still remember how it made me feel to wear it. like all was right with the world. i had another one that was a button-up with a rounded collar and colorful polka-dots... it was probably even more of a favorite than this one, but alas, no remnant remains, not even a picture.
describing it to you keeps it alive. :-)

1979...?

jeff needed to know the years with these oldies so he can put it all in perspective :-)
you're welcome.
i especially love the expressions going on.

gallbladder gore

i was going to post the least gory of my collection of internal organ photos, but then decided i would spare you all. there was just something a little disturbing about seeing internal organs right after the nice pretty school picture... i'll let you use your imagination instead of getting the actual visual. my favorite picture is of the inside of my stomach wall lining and my gallbladder is being pulled out of it through my belly button and you can actually see it going out! it's so cool! if you want, i can always e-mail it to you, along with the other less cool and more bloody ones.
you just let me know. :-)

school picture!

and i thought i'd be through with these back when i was 17... 11 years later, and still posing :-)

when were we all so young?!