one more week of summer for me -- how has it passed so lightning quick? i suppose that's better than the alternative. i'd rather be having so much fun that it zips by than be watching the clock drag it's hands slowly by...
ever noticed that there doesn't seem to be a happy middle? time seems to be either dragging or zipping, instead of just pleasantly passing.
my small group has been reading the latest rob bell book and discussing a chapter a week or so. there was one chapter that really left me mulling. the basic concept was dealing with sex and how we tend to either act like angels or animals. we're either guilt-ridden or uninhibited. bell was talking about how being human is really about living in the middle, in the tension of neither but a little of both. this concept applies to so much more than sex, and i keep finding myself thinking about it in new ways.
one of the big ways is with food. i tend to be an all-or-nothing girl. i've given up sugar completely!! or i'm pigging out on everything that comes my way. it is so incredibly hard to live in the tension of having a healthy balance of nutritional foods with an occasional treat.
the same concept applies to time -- i feel guilty if i'm not using every minute purposefully, but then i turn around and waste hours at a time. the entire summer has just slipped right away, and it seems like i've accomplished nothing tangible.
and even though nick and i are not in the phase of our relationship that includes sex, i still find this same tension principle applies. i want to be further along, i want more of him, or i want none. it's hard to be okay with this minute, this phase.
i keep stopping myself and saying, 'just be in the middle... be patient, be controlled, be savoring...'
there is goodness in this minute, right now.
more often than not, i need reminded.
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3 comments:
Just thinking about what you wrote...I think that feeling of wanting highs and lows and extremes and never quite satisfied must come from not being close friends, in a face to face relationship with God like we were supposed to have had. What do you think? Maybe that unfulfilled feeling is just missing the perfect relationship that we could have without sin. I guess that is all the more reason to look forward to being with Jesus, and all the more reason to relax and savor life each moment - I think God would rather have us be as content as we can and get the most out of life, since He made the whole process up! I am the same way as you are - I am ALWAYS and forever looking to the next step, or looking back. I need to BE HERE. Speaking of BEING HERE, I am about to BE THERE - SIIIII!!!
I'm a lot like this but I think mine comes from dissapointment. For instance, I want to ONLY eat nutritionally or organically and since I can't afford to go all the way I don't see the point. Or exercise, I love too but since I don't have the time or the means to go to a gym I find myself not want to exercise at all. Probably for me it is from being discontent and not really realizing it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY (late) TO YOU!!!! What exciting extravaganza did Nick prepare?
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