gallbladder... money... school...

well, the surgeon spoke the inevitable -- he wants to do surgery on the offensive internal organ... i'll be having ye olde gallbladder out on sept. 18th. it's a relief to think that hopefully the stomach problems will all be solved.
it's not a relief to think of all the medical bills that will start piling up. i have insurance, but the deductible's $1,000 and then i still have to pay 20% of whatever's left after that. 20% of any kind of surgery is going to be a hefty chunk for a poor teacher such as i am.
so the financial woes continue.
all the various and sundry bills i pay make me feel like i have steel cables linked to different parts of my body and they're anchored to a deep place in the middle of the earth.
one day i will be free-standing and light.

school's still going well. we're creating a set design for a 1920's play. the play will be performed on sept 15th, so right up until i have to have surgery we'll be working on stage stuff. i really hate working on stage stuff -- it isn't very satisfying to work and work for some cool looking decorations that get thrown away after the play is over. i know there are all the unquantifiable rewards like teamwork and a sense of accomplishment that the students experience in completing something cool... but you can't really measure those in any solid sort of way.
and then the doctor said i'd have to have a whole week off of work!!! i don't know about that. first of all, i'll have to come up with 5 days worth of lessons. not too hard. but wait, they have to be ones that a substitute teacher can constructively facilitate -- that's very tricky in the art world. secondly, i have to sit around and do nothing for that whole week! i might need to start stockpiling some good reading material.

speaking of reading material, i just starting getting a magazine called relevant, and it's really really good. if you haven't heard of it, seriously check it out. several of the articles in this issue i just read jumped out at me, but one in particular. it was about this guy starting a t-shirt campaign basically, but it's growing into so much more -- i don't want to paraphrase because he says it better, so go to the site and read the story. the site's called to write love on her arms. the one thing i'll quote that sums up his whole point is something he quotes from donald miller's book 'blue like jazz'. he says, 'something was broken in the world and we were supposed to hold our palms against the wound.'
my heart went out to his friend, renee, and my spirit was just drawn to join in somehow. i have no idea how, but this is real life, this is where jesus comes alive. this is what i want to be a part of, bringing life to dead places. with my high schoolers, i don't know how to get to the real parts of them, the parts that need hope. people say things all day long, i can say good things, these kids' youth pastors are saying things, they hear all they need to hear to solve all their problems, but words can be flat and ineffectual when you've heard it all. to live love and healing to a hurting world all day long, what does that really look like?!

i don't feel strong stirring passion very often, but this stirred me up. i want to make a difference. i want to hold my palm against the wound.